just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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