yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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