i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
