If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
