jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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