margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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