Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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