He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
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