Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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