Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
