And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
