I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
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My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
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He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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