I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
