My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
