Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
