That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize