I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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