Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
