An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
