You're completely useless in the revolution.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
