Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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