i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
