when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
