maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
