Im at strip club and am horny
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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