Can i not drive my cunt home
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
