Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
