Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
We were destined to go to rehab together
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
