we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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