I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
