i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
