Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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