i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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