And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
