I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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