there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
