And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
