we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
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It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
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I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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