apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
