I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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