The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
