The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
