So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
