She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
