Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
