and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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