I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
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I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
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