I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
