she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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