Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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