You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
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I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
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I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
false alarm, still single
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