Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
he was CRYING into my vagina
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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