dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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