I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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