I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
