My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
