u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
My cat gives me a boner
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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