Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
