So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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