Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
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