U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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