Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
