After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Farmville is her only friend.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
