Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
