I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
