are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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