If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
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