I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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