i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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