Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
