I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
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