Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
