i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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