I need to stop coming to work sober
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
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I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
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Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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