Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
