In the future we'll all be gay
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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