My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
