That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Boobs are out for the taking
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
