My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
